A poem that speaks loud n clearly

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks, 
Masks that I'm afraid to take off 
And none of them is me. 

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me, 
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled. 
I give you the impression that I'm secure, 
that all is sunny and unruffled with me, 
within as well as without, 
that confidence is my name and coolness my game, 
that the water's calm and I'm in command 
and that I need no one, 
but don't believe me.

My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask, 
ever-varying and ever-concealing. 
Beneath lies no complacence. 
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness. 
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it. 
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed. 
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, 
a nonchalant sophisticated facade, 
to help me pretend, 
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, 
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance, 
If it is followed by love. 
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself 
from my own self-built prison walls 
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect. 
It's the only thing that will assure me 
of what I can't assure myself, 
that I'm really worth something. 
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me, 
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me. 
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me. 

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game 
With a façade of assurance without 
And a trembling child within. 
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks, 
And my life becomes a front. 
I tell you everything that's really nothing, 
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me. 
So when I'm going through my routine 
do not be fooled by what I'm saying. 
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying, 
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me 
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings -- 
very small wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you. 
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me 
the blinder I may strike back. 
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man 
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder? 
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

       By Charles C. Finn

A long time ago... I posted and then...

Once upon a time, i posted on my blog, I tried to do it ever so often... However lately I have been so busy with school and also having a good time. So this is sort of a catch up blog haha.

Some of the highlights from these past few weeks include, parties, work, friends and let's not forget FUN!!
On friday night, i went with my friends Tayla Foong and Brian Humphries to a Mi Casa album tour show. It was amazballs as Brian would say! We stood right in front and watched them perform a few of their new songs! A night to remember, and i have the video to prove it lol! But all of us wish that they stayed and performed some more, obviously. Seeing as Mi Casa is the hottest thing to happen in South Africa!

Their latest studio album

And after an awesome Friday, the rest of my weekend was very relaxed. And that's really saying something, because I literally have not had a single weekend of doing nothing, just partying n chilling, since the semester started end of July.

A sign we saw when we went to a club in Parliament Street! lol, it was weird seeing this while all of us were having a good time...

And surprisingly I have yet to go out parting with my BCCC friends. It is rather sad, but this semester living on Res has been better than the last. These days my friends are prone to about me and the ladies from Hummer 3 (H3) One of the places to be in Veritas Main, or is it Annex? Who knows haha. It's because of them that I have definitely had a awesome start to second semester :D And a few of those crazy weekends have also involved a new friend of mine Amanda Antony. She is the beautifully talented singer at nmmu. You can check her on Idols SA and on YouTube at NMMU First Years' Concert :). She even sang I was here by Beyoncé, for myself and my roommate :D!
But we also seem to have fun at campus events. A few photo's which were taken during intervarsity. This is when the four varsity's (NMMU, Rhodes, Fort Hare and Walter Sisulu) participate against each other to see which is the reining varsity. We won this year, a streak that is surely to continue!

Me and Jessica standing with the "rhodent". The Rhodes mascot.

 

Me, Jessica and Amanda :)

Me and Inga. A fellow BA MCC student :D. He obviously having a great time !!

Another thing to mention is the end of the squatter. The squatter was a friend of my roomie, whom was staying over. And boy did she over stay her welcome! What started out as a few days turned into a whole month! I was so happy when she left, that at first I didn't even notice that the suitcase was gone from the centre of our room... Hopefully she stays away for good! I'm not saying she cant visit, but as long as she doesn't bring her huge travelling bag with her.
These are just a few things I have to deal with, when living on Res. But it's great when it comes to school work. What with Res being on campus n all :)

And just last week it was a real blessing! As it always is when us Design students having to spend countless hours in the labs trying to do our assignment. Luckily for us, this semester it isn't as bad as last semester. Now we only have to do one big assignment for every three weeks :).
For this assignment we had to create a pattern using an object, in connection with a lyric from one of the three songs given to us. I choose the pendant from my necklace that my gran gave to me and the line was : "I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky" from Rolling Stones Paint it Black It had no significance, I just winged it actually haha. And the final product wasn't too bad...

But even though school hasn't been too hectic. I have started paying more attention to social media, mainly my twitter account. And its been fun! I really enjoy tweeting and following people, but the best is when someone follows me. Its even better when it's a celebrity! I was so shocked the other day when I saw that Daniel Goddard, who plays Cane Ashby on The Young and the Restless. Which happens to be one of my all-time-favorite soaps to watch :D.

 

This has been one really long blog post. And I promise to keep you lovely people updated. Sometimes my days may be boring but the weekends and memories made will always be ePiC!! Loaded to the MAX with fun! You can follow me on twitter: @Christi_Colom

 

xoxo

Lil May ;)

The Stars Above Us, And then some...

Well, i know its late but hey that's the life of a student... Ai, here i'm supposed to be working but i'm rather blogging. I have decided, since my friends are also getting now on the blogging scene that i shall blog once a week :)

So far my week has been great, not a lot of work and I made a few new friends. my weekend was a BLAST! And so far nothing can compare to it, its really just been an awesome week so far hey. Lovely sun shine, great weather in "winter" and I also received my design poster back today :).
That assignment was something my friends and I really struggled with last semester, but surprisingly all of our assignments made "The Board" lol. The board is just that, a board where our lecturer places only the best assignments from our design class, and anyone who goes to the 4th floor will be able to see it.



We together we made it! :)

 

My movie poster for the Hobbit

And in the end we were all happy with our movie posters. And it always surprises me that sometimes when it comes to our assignments, we create the best pieces of work when its due the next day lol! But yes, this is one for the books, or rather wall hahaha. I can't wait to show it to my mom in person :). And all of this was done using photoshop. I'm not saying its absolutely perfect, but for my first time using photoshop with something so big, its quite something...

Ai yes, life away from home can become tiring. And its irritating when I'm a victim of monkey crime, mxm. I should explain, on our campus we also have a nature reserve. So it's not uncommon to see strange and cute wild animals, like Bambi for example. But one thing everyone agrees on is, that the monkeys are terrible. And for us on Res it's worse, because they get into our rooms and steal and eat our food... And that's what happened to me this morning. I came in and I saw my cereal was finished, a monkey ate straight from the bowl. And when I looked up, I saw two of them sitting n mooitjies eating my coffee creamer and sugar, also straight from the containers. But hey, c'est la vie(that's life)... especially on Res

But then again if I didn't live on Res, I wouldn't have met crazy people and my friend Jessica. Even tonight, after we were walking back to our rooms, I saw a shooting star for the first time in my life!! It was gone in a flash but it was so beautiful hey. I never would have imagine that i could see it, 'cause you i know, I'm used to such things only happening in the movies haha.

 

The one i saw wasn't as breathtaking as this image, but it was still beautiful :)

 

So, enjoy the last few days before the weekend and I shall be posting regularly from now on. And guys n girls, check out my friend Brian Humphries. He also has a blog called The Jacobi Diaries (thejacobidiaries.blogspot.com)

xoxo
Lil May ;) 

Welcome, welcome

Well, it feels good to be back hey! I sure did miss the friendly city of Port Elizabeth... But I'm glad that I had time to rest and relax back home, and boy did I have a BLAST!

But now that we're all back on campus, and getting back into the school mode. No more late nights, err mornings I mean. And no more sleeping til the sun shines out our, uhm smiles? Lol, I don't want to sound crude... But yes, the early mornings are here and the endless amounts of assignments and test will soon descend upon us, sigh. But at least all of us know that week have one week before we really have to get cracking.

It feels like the year is almost over and I'm so proud to say, that so far it has been an awesome second year at NMMU. So, keep posted to hear, see and read what's happening in my unseemly normal life ;)

xoxo
Lil May
PS: I can't wait to start blogging regurlaly

!!!Free At LAST!!!

This image relates to how I currently feel. I am finally done with my exams and not only is this a really amazing image, making use of many design elements but also photoshop. The photographer was able to clearly blend the image of a young girl and the many birds.

 

 

Now I can fly, fly all the way home to Pretoria and have an awesome and relaxing holiday. It's been fun in P.E. and i'm really hapy knowing that half the year is basically over! I will be returning. as all birds and animals that migrate, they return home but for me in this case, I temporarily migrate to P.E. lol. But I will try and post during this June/July holiday.

 

This is also my time to be a typical student and do absolute nothing productive. So if you don't hear from me soon, i shall be "seeing" you lovely people in July lol! Just like all my other frineds from varsity.

 

May we make many more memories and always have time for some fun and laughter in opur lives

 

xoxo

 

Lil May ;)

Sigh, one down...Four to go :) #ExamTime

*C*

*R*

*A*

*M*

*M*

 *I*

*N*

*G*

!!!!!!!

Well, we all know when studying for exams there are moments that we just give up and moments that we cram our asses off and hope that something sticks. I'm proud that I did my best for my television exam and that I can successfully say I didn't cram, lol. But no seriously guys, it is needed at times. **sigh**.

However, here today is our guest blogger: Charde Meyer, my best friend and someone who aspires to acheive the best in all that she does. I know most say we do our best, but question is do we really? Anyways. She's going to give a few top tips that she has picked up along the road to success and distinctions.

Hello, I cannot say how honoured I am to be apart of Christine's blog!!! This baby was actually my brain wave, but I will not take credit! I have to say, kudos to her though for making it work....

I cant believe however that she would want me to speak about exam tips! Really now?

Especially since our 'study sessions', end up being random searches on the internet! So that would be my first tip!

1. All of us love searching the net, for well, everything! So when the conventional ways of studying get you down, surf the net! There are likely 100 websites that can provide you with not only with the information you seek, but a new and better understanding as well!!!

2. This is something we are guilty of; cramming! And so I would suggest, do not cram! You put hoards of pressure on yourself to remember things, and end up not sleeping and then just forget! Not good! But, if you have to cram, because of your sucky exam timetable- make sure to take naps in between, studying for hours on end is unhealthy!

3. Find your method and stick to it!!! We are all individuals, and we all have different methods of studying. If you know that parrot style works for you, stick to that. If writing your pen's ink up is what helps you remember, continue writing! DO NOT USE UNKNOWN METHODS! Ones that particularly do not work are recording yourself and then listening to the recording. This is just laziness, and does not stimulate the brain or your memory. Writing, or reading makes use of sight, and you are more likely to remember the things you see- and not hear!

4. Lastly, since Chrisitine is complaining about my babbling, I would suggest, finding a happy place! This done not have to be an actual place, but study somewhere or around someone that you know will motivate you.  I will not mention my happy place, because then this post will turn into a romance novel, but honestly surround yourself with inspiration! Good friends can be that too, because when the BCCC's study together, (they do not study), but those crucial minutes before we enter the exam venue, we all start rambling about what we remember, and yes, Im condracting myself about hearing stuff, but hearing Christine or Candice, use their fingers to 'count' what they remember, actually helps! Because one- I get to listen to them stress and yipee for a moment I forget that I know nothing and two- listening to them, instead of the stupid stressful voice in my head, actually helps me remember!!

I honestly hope these tips help, because instead of studying for an exam, I wrote this!!! So, heres hoping!

To all those reading this post, good luck with your exams! And remember, your mark is only as good your studying was!!


CIAO FOR NOW,

Charde!

Exam time...

Take some time and relax...

Exam time is always super stressful and time consuming. But there's nothing we can do but just plough through it and continue on, because we all know that once we come to #PensDown we will celebrate with a month long holiday *bliss*.

So for this post, it will only be about things that can calm you done and relieve some of that tension and stress.

A few places I pretend to be at, and sipping on a tall glass of some fantastic cocktail, that a real hunk has prepared for lol ;)

Or a relaxing evening by the beach or picnic in the field with the calming sound of the ocean and the gentle breeze surrounding yourself

And lastly, a natural wonder, a completely natural made bridge :). Its really something you should try and see with your own eyes, its on my #things2See. This Natural Bridge is found in Rockbridge County, Virginia.